Reopened wounds..

Dear Lord,

did i do what was right? I know in my heart that it is wrong, but I hit the nail square on the head..

Why, oh Lord, doesn't anyone listen to me?

I thought I was changed, looks like I'm not..

I thought I had one last chance to reverse this curse..seems like everyone's just blinded by it..

Maybe it's me..maybe what I've said is wrong? is it? it just doesn't add up logically if it is wrong..

Maybe I should move on..bigger and better things lie ahead, but I choose to stay behind, to come back, only to revert to old ways, and old feelings stir in my heart..

Is this the work of the devil? I pray oh Lord that you protect us from harm..

Why Lord, do i waste so much energy to put up a front, a facade, a mask, in a place where I should be accepted? Is that why I am so bitter inside? I am just not accepted as who I truly am?

People always say, "talk about it, you'll feel better after that.." Well, I've tried..not once, but may times, but things are still the same..

Oh Lord, you know how much I'm trying to change myself..But nobody else notices this..but i guess that is my fault for not sharing it in the first place..but when i do share, it always seems to back fire on me..

Oh Lord, I just want to serve You, but serving You means denying myself, something I am struggling with, I just pray Lord that I am able to do this..and that what others will say does not affect me Lord..

I thank you Lord for giving me a loving family, friends, and organisations that look into my spiritual growth..

I just pray oh Lord that You will be a guiding light in all their lives, and that Your truth will prevail..

Let us not lean on our own understanding but on Your wisdom..

Again I am sorry Lord, for what I've said or done..it may have even reflected badly on You Lord, so here I am begging for Your forgiveness..

Amen

Over-zealous?

Something that has been in my thoughts for quite some time..Mostly when i am serving in the UniSA comm, which is advice that has always been given to us by previous comm or experienced people is to pace ourselves, and not to be over-zealous, because we are students, and we will start out with big plans, but it will never turn out the way we want it to, because everything gets busy and studies will start to crowd our time..

BUT what ive seen with my own eyes is that, everything is achievable as long as we keep our minds on the task and PLAN OUR TIME properly, AND everything checks out with logic and reasoning..it's also a question of motivation..so yea, there is a conflict of interests..the best way to explain this is through an example or 2..in BB, i've had the privilege to be involved with organizing the BB day, which housed about 500 people..SO yes, in organizing the events, we were deciding to do things that were out of the norm, yet keeping the same traditions, so that people would experience new things..anyway, in our meetings, we had many ideas, some even far fetched, unachievable, of which we decided as a committee to go with anything that we found interesting AND had significance to the day..so we did have ideas that were, not all that logical to do, but we did it, because we planned out our time really well..in the end, i do believe most people enjoyed their time they had on that day..

there are actually many factors that are involved in planning or organizing anything,..but most importantly is the importance of the activity or the event. If the thing we plan to do is does not follow the general theme or calling, then there is little reason you should do such a thing..

not too sure if you guys get what im talking about, not really thinking straight, am a little sick, so yea..but yea, this has been bugging me, and i realized that i havent been really blogging much..so yea..haha..

Cheers and God Bless

Thanks to those who wished..

K first of all, i just want to say thanks to those who wished me, but don't noe why you guys did so, cuz i dont have a birthday..

well, the purpose i say that is because, i really dont see the point in celebrating..i guess its because ever since i was young my parents never celebrated my birthday, as in had a party for me, except like, once, which i recall having a really terrible time, because my sister invited most of her friends, i think, and she pretty much had all the fun..selfish no? or should i say jealous, being that i didnt want anyone to have more fun than me..

so anyway, from that point on, i never really had birthdays, and eventually i started to reject the idea that i even need to have a birthday..

so yes, this is some of the logic (it may not even seem logical to you, but it is my reasoning as to why i choose not to celebrate my birthday) first it comes to, why do we celebrate birthdays? to remember and to cherish people? so yea, i dont see the point in only doing that for just a single day in the whole year..next, i dont see the point of a person to go around telling other people when their birthdays are, because it is pretty, self-centred, in my opinion, because, if u are special enough, people WILL choose to remember your birthday..u dont need to go remind ppl..its like saying, "hey! im special! come remember me!!"

next, to be honest, i really dont think it is such a good use of our time..i mean, we can use that time to save lives..win souls..but yea, again, to be honest its not like we are always doing that too..so its not wrong to celebrate a birthday..just dont see the point..

So again, thanks for the wishes, really means a lot..

Cheers and God Bless

A story of a story?

K, first of all, i must clarify, the bible is not a story..in a sense that it is not fabricated, but it is the truth..So yes, read about this story in my devotional material (haha, the song Little Devotional by Taking Back Sunday just ended) and saw this video from a friends blog..and well, it really got me thinking..why do we need to retell the same story but in a different context?

Well, what can be seen from this video is that it is to give people (i guess people who are not christians or dormant christians) an idea of what God went through..But what i would say that i must mention is that Jesus did not "fall" into such a situation, and God was not given such a hard choice, but God CHOSE to send His only begotten son..i think it is important to mention this is because, if the point of this whole video is so that we are able to understand the hurt God went through, it is much more of a difficult choice when you know what you have to do, and plan and tell your son about the plan and then send him and watch him suffer..in this vid, the father suddenly was given a choice to make with not much time left to think..

And from there, here is a question that comes to my mind, "so after watching a video like this, what do you feel? and is that enough?" i mean yea, you go, "aww.." or even reflect on what you've just saw..but then what? does it really change your life? if it does then great! (not being sarcastic) but my main question is, does knowing what God has gone through really help YOU? well, it should, because then we are able to understand the magnitude of God's love for us..

So from there we need to take it to the next step..how? following His word and commandments, which are Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength and love your neighbour as yourself (Matt 22:37-40)..fortunately or unfortunately, it is as simple as that..and the sad thing is, we don't do these commandments..

to be fair to this video, it is a great video, which really does it's job..but my post is really more directed to what we should do after watch a video like this..because after a vid like this, you will feel something inside, and what should be done with that feeling..and yes, i am speaking from experience, in a sense that this is what i've learnt from my experience and wish to share with you guys (I really dont want to give the impression that what i've experienced is right and others is wrong, it is just my experience)..

sometime last year, i did have a thought "I wonder how God felt when He saw Jesus suffer and died..if i could imagine just a glimpse of what He felt.." and i did pray about it..so one day my dad came back with this adorable (i dont want to use the word 'cute') little miniture poodle puppy..she was only the size of my palm..and we decided to name her Mocha (if you're wondering what she looked like, click on the link)..she just grew on me instantly, and i could just spend hours with her, even when she slept, i just couldnt leave her..cuz she would wake up and start whimpering..anyway, one day she fell sick, ironically it was an illness which is contracted by other dogs and there is no cure, only a vaccine which she was supposed to get in a weeks time..so we took her to the vet and the vet said that we had to put her to sleep..i mean, it really hurts..it still hurts..but yea, didnt really understand why, until one day i was at youth camp, during an alter call, where it finally hit me..God answered my prayer..

its quite beautiful if you realize it, God's love for us..but yea, if you did get such a revelation after watching the video or even reading my story, i really just hope that you would either dig deeper and find out more.. or if you really know what all this is about, then i just hope and pray that you would do something about it..

Cheers and God Bless

My Blue Heaven

Two sides twist and then collide
You're calling off the guards (Am I coming...)
I'm coming through (Am I coming...)
Adulteress conditioned to a spin cycled submission
"You know, sometimes it just feels better to give in"
(Sometimes it just feels better to give in)

And it's all too familiar
And it happens all the time
All the cards begin to stack up
Twisting heartache into fine, little pieces that avoid an awful crime
But it's you I can't deny

Dull heat rises from the sheets
I'm both a patient boy... well, and a jealous man
(Am I coming?)
But double standardized suspicion is remedied
Oh, My Blue Heaven
Sometimes it just feels better to give in
(Sometimes it just feels better to give in)

And it's all too familiar
And it happens all the time
All the cards begin to stack up
Twisting heartache into fine, little pieces that avoid an awful crime
But it's you I can't deny

We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child, you are safe"
(You're safe child, you are safe)
You're safe child, you are safe

We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child, you are safe"
you're safe child, you are...

SAFE!!
(Safe, safe)
You are, safe
We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing
"You're safe child you are safe" (Am I coming...)
You're safe child you are safe (Am I... coming through?)
Is this all too familiar?
Does it happen all the time?
I'm just asking you to hear me
Could you please, just once, just hear me?
More than anything you wanted to be right
Still it's you, you,
It's you I can't deny,
(You I can't deny)
It's you I can't deny.

Cheers and God Bless

Simple minds are easily entertained..haha..thanks Song Yeu

Cheers and God Bless

i think i need a breather...

kids these days....hiaz..thats all i wanna say..3 years of uni, thats what it does to you..haiz..this is going to be interesting..

sometimes i just wonder in amazement..how can u complain about a 2000 word report??! i mean, come on! its only 2000 words...can do it in 6 hours OR LESS...just dunno man..dont get it at all..besides that, you have all d time in the world to do d assignment, but u choose till last minute to do it....then always complain uni life is hard..it is just a freakin degree mate! haven't even gone to honours yet or even masters and you are complaining about a freakin degree??!haiz..i guess im just annoyed because its my third year, and i've gotten quite accustomed to what to write and do stuff...basically, i use to do 5000 word reports within 12 hours..as in i would start at 9pm and end at about 6 am, and that is short of 12 hours..but i dont wanna do that anymore..cuz i wanna do my best, but even when doing my best, i can still plan and manage my time so that it doesnt affect anything else...

anyway, i am basically ranting here, dont take it personally..i've written this post in such a way that when i say you, i am refering to me..but it also refers to ppl who annoy me..n that is for me to noe and you to not find out..dont worry, dont think anyone who annoys me reads this blog anyway..

Cheers and God Bless